hito_me_bore
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Sai go no Kisuwhy is it that people have to tell me that i dont know what love is? it doesnt exactly make me feel good. i understand that i probably dont know what it is, but i dont need to be told that. my family tells me that alot. well they havent lately but i was just told that today. i just have a "deep affection" for jeff. i dont know him enough to love him. maybe it is just a "deep affection", but that doesnt mean that they have to make me question myself. what is love anyways? in my opinion its when you really trust eachother, you know you want to live your life with that person, and when you really make eachother happy. maybe im just being a baby about it, but nobody knows my feelings. they should just let me figure it out for myself when im older.
well anyways i guess im done w/ that. yesterday i went to the last part of the hunters safety course w/ my brother and jeff. i got a better grade on the test than they did. it was surprising that i did better than jeff cause hes a hunter and hes already taken the course before. i wish math class was as easy as that. so there was this kid there that was really annoying. everyone called him camo. well he finally got kicked out of the program cause he pointed a gun at someone. lol, we were all waiting for that to happen. oh and i got to shoot a shotgun. i was nervous at first cause i thought it would hurt. it was actually fun, even though i missed both my targets, but i just need practice.
so i guess thats all i have for now
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Hikaru-san
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Man, sorrie to hear you're told that a lot.
Just because we're young doesn't mean we're stupid.
But they might just be looking out for you, you know?
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Ame-Chan
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| Quote: | | i understand that i probably dont know what it is, but i dont need to be told that. my family tells me that alot. i just have a "deep affection" for jeff. i dont know him enough to love him. maybe it is just a "deep affection", but that doesnt mean that they have to make me question myself. |
~ A deep affection... hmm, an affection so strong (deep) that you feel you could do whatever it took to make the other one happy, yes? Wow, if you ask them what love is, and they honestly know what it means... that's part of the definition right there. :O
| Quote: | | what is love anyways? in my opinion its when you really trust eachother, you know you want to live your life with that person, and when you really make eachother happy. |
~ As stated above, in my opinion and by definition from many experienced couples, love is when you are willing to do whatever it takes to make that person happy. It's also when that usually ends up making you happy in return, though it's not always going to overpower a sadness of giving something up, but you do it anyway. You feel like you can entrust them with anything and never have to worry about someone else knowing about it. You can trust your life to them. You can whole heartedly believe if they had the choice of a gorgeous, famous, rich actress or you, they wouldn't even have to sit there for even TWO minutes to decide. They enjoy spending time with you, just being there with you is enough to make them happy. They don't really want to change you. Sure, one or two easy to fix quirks might be noted, but they're not going to say, "I want you to get implants, and to paint your face every morning so you look like a totally different girl." They're not ashamed of you, even if you look your worst. When you're apart, they're never totally out of your thoughts. You feel like you could cry to them and not have to worry about how you look, or sound, or how pathetic you may seem, because you know all they're thinking about is hugging you until you feel like it's all ok again. And all the same apply on how you feel toward them. There's plenty more, but I think my off the top of my head listing is good enough. 
| Quote: | | maybe im just being a baby about it, but nobody knows my feelings. they should just let me figure it out for myself when im older. |
~ You're right, no one knows your feelings aside from you and god, assume they're unspoken feelings of course.
Only you will know if those feelings are there or not, and yes, sometimes it may seem like you feel a certain way when you really don't, in other words, there's a possibility you're mistaken. But it's no one's place to do any more than to make you aware of that, and let you find out for yourself. Experience is the only thing that can make you truly learn something. You could read all the manuals in the world on how to draw a horse, but that doesn't mean you can pick up a pencil and just do it. It takes time, and practice... experience! Same goes for things along these lines... love, friendship, etc, etc.
Just because you're older doesn't mean you'll figure it out. Some people our parent's age still get misled. Depends on who you are I guess. And I can understand them telling you to be careful, and expressing their concern. No one wants to see someone they care about get hurt. But warning you, and occasionally reminding you not to get in over your head, is different than tearing down. "You're not old enough to understand love." That is tearing down. "He's the first guy you've felt this way about, just be rational with it all. It might indeed be love, but you are still young and inexperienced. You could be mistaken. Remember that." That's showing concern. I know most people don't think stuff like that off the top of their heads in a moment like that, but something along those lines. "Don't jump the gun, make sure it's love." or "He's your first, and while you may he will be now, he might not be there forever. People change." Things like that. Just, think about what they're trying to say before you get annoyed. (And trust me, with tones and different people's expressions of concern, I know how hard that can be.)
If you believe you're in love I suggest making sure you are positive before you tell him. But, seeing you two have already started the lovey dovey myspace messaging, I see you cleared the first step. He embraced it and didn't run away from it.
But remember, IF something were to happen and you felt like you were mistaken, do NOT deny yourself. If you begin to feel regret for a choice decide to take some course of action before it's too late. The longer you cope, the harder it'll be. (Just a tip incase the worst should happen.)
If it's anything at all Clarissa, I believe you're capable of loving him, even at your age. 
"Love is both a beautiful blessing and a painful curse." ~Moi
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hito_me_bore
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thank you both for all of that. it really made me feel alot better about the whole thing . im glad i can actually kind of talk to people about this instead of thinking about it all night.
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Ame-Chan
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yes Clarissa, you can talk to us.
I know on my part, I'll be sure and read every last bit you feel like telling me, and I'll do my best to help. What are sister's for?
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hito_me_bore
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 thanks!
so today is very boring. i have nothing to do, except for some math, and its kinda cold out. actually its colder inside than it is outside. i hate the winter and the fall  . except for christmas. so yesterday at school we had this assembly about Rachels Challenge. has anyone ever heard of that? anyways its about the first girl that got shot and killed at Columbine. everyone was crying, including me and ash  . I even saw one of the football players crying! it was so good that nobody talked through the whole thing, which we usually do during an assembly. it was pretty much about her goals to kind of change the world.
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Ame-Chan
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awww, you cried?! ;.;
Must have been really sad..
I've never heard of it though, no..
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Hikaru-san
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My mission? 
Also, what does your journalie name mean?
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hito_me_bore
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lol, yeah.
well my journal name means the last kiss. i looked it up on the internet so i cant be entirely sure that thats what it really means, but i liked the sound of it. i couldnt think of anything to use as a title that wasnt boring lol
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darkangel0190
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hey i'm not sure what to say at this point, but i just wanted to jump in and say hi!!!! anyways yeah rachel's challenge was an awsome assembly, i was glad to attend it. i couldn't hold back crying, but i think most ppl couldn't at the time, it became very hard to breathe and cold for some odd reason, but yeah anywho........i'm sry that the whole love thing has been such a bother clarissa, at times i have a hard time too when thinking about the whole subject and all, but i agree with kellie all the way. her explenation for love helped me as well and was very VERY helpful, so that's why i wanted to yell out, thanx kellie for all the suppport, it realy does help out A LOT!!!!!!!!!!! at least i think so, you helped me think love over a little more better .......i hope school seems more interesting in the long run, so far its just been stressful......
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Ame-Chan
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Heh, glad to know I helped the both of you then.
I was just having a little emotional time rant but seeing as how both of you benefitted from it... I feel happy.... I feel like I did something worthwhile. XD
Well then, to both of you, I'm available for confessions. :3
So, I'll do my best to help out with whatever you may need.
*feels honored to be shouted out to* XD
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Hotaru
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Well, I think my opinion has already basically been expressed on the matter...
I agree with Ame. lol
Young love is tough, isn't it?
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hito_me_bore
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*sigh* yes it is. i will be sure to share my problems with you. i really am glad to beable to talk about things.
well now that its fall its time to start cutting wood . it sucks. today it was really hot out though! like in the 80's. my friend Heather is having her 16th birthday party next weekend. i cant wait!!! we get to dress up in costumes and stuff. its gonna be cool. ill take a few pictures so i can show whoever wants to see. i also cant wait to go hunting. i dont know what anyones views on hunting are on here but i hope im not offending anyone. i really wanna get sumthin but if i dont its ok. atleast ill know what its like for the next year. for some of you that know me you might think its odd that i all of a sudden want to go hunting, but you can thank jeff. he made it sound like fun even if you dont get anything. i also think its fun just practicing. anywayyys, yes school has been very stressful. i hate it cause i have homework in almost every subject, every night. it drives me CRAZY!!!! one thing i cant forget about is getting signed up for the PSAT.  i hope i do ok on it.
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Ame-Chan
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I took the PSAT...
it was pretty tough actually.
But it might have had something to do with the fact we had 30 minutes for each section and our sub talked for 10 before letting us start. =\
if you sign up, good luck with it.
And HAH! you think 80's hot... it was 95 or something here.
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hito_me_bore
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wow thats really hot! i woulda loved it though.
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Ame-Chan
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But now it's really cold. x.x
I'm wrapped up in a blanket.
It's been getting frigid at night, and hot during the day. People are going to get sick...
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hito_me_bore
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yeah its cold as hell up here now. im having a little difficulty moving my fingers  . my poor little nos is cold too!! and my mom hasnt started up the heat yet. looks like im in for a cold night  . i wish it was hot. well my friends party is tomorrow night and i cant wait!!! im soooo excited!! ill take some pictures for those who want to see some.
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Hikaru-san
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Poor nose. T-T
and yes, pictures and kewl! ^-^
I'd like to see!
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hito_me_bore
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i just have to say that....
EAST HIGH SUUUUUUUUUCKKSSSSS!!!!!!!! WE KICKED THEIR ASSES AT THE EAST/WEST GAME!!!!!!!!AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! I CANT BELIEVE IT!!!!!!!WOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
 ahemm.....im done freaking out now. to explain better; we had the usual east/west game last night and they have been kicking our asses since 1995. well we finally beat them. the score was 35(west) to like 14(east). we were all flipping out at the game. im not really a huge football fan but it still feels good to know that we kicked their cocky asses in everything we lost to them for so many years. i really wish i would have brought my camera to take some good pics. east was not very happy looking. west high can finally live up to our motto:
IT TAKES A VIKING TO BUST A TROJAN!!!!!!!WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHH!!!!!
school is going to be different on monday.
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Aragon Speed
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Congrats!!  
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Ame-Chan
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HAHA! Congrats!
The vikings came and knocked those stupid trojan off their high horse. lol
He is informing me of the magnitude of this win.
lol
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hito_me_bore
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yes we were all very happy for that win. monday was no different than any other day, which was kinda weird cause last year when we beat east in lacrosse we had an assembly and they made shirts and a whole bunch of stuff. but then again maybe it was because we hadnt won against them in lacrosse for like 40 years. oh well. so we had a half day today. YAY!! but im pretty bored right now. ash is writing a story and its pretty good so far! i cant wait for her to write more. last night i went up in the woods w/ my dad and jonas. we didnt see any deer but i got to see a bunch of turkeys!! it was awesome!! they got really close to me .
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Ame-Chan
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TURKEYS! XD
My friend had pet turkeys, and apparently, so did my mom. ;.;
But I never got to see them.
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Shiranui
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Y-You beat East in, La Crosse?.....*sigh* I thought you guys beat them in a real sport, like football....now it's not so great...*shrugs*
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Hikaru-san
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TURKEY IN THE STRAW>
La Crossa. Wow. Tough sport!
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hito_me_bore
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no we did beat them in football!! it was awesome. i just mentioned lacrosse cause we beat them in lacrosse last year. we also beat them in baseball and basketball i think. so they are the ones with the losing streak now.
lol, pet turkeys would be kinda funny. i would chase them around like we did w/ our chickens we used to have.
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Hotaru
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Haha, and they would gobble and flap around in fear!
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Ame-Chan
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Clarissa's not so scary.
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hito_me_bore
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lol, no im not.
so did anyone go trick-or-treating last night?? i would imagine not. but i did!! it was pretty funny. ive got pictures too so i will put them up in my photo section. jeff was an old man and he was very good at acting like one. too bad i didnt get any video of it. first my brother, jeff, and i went around jeffs neighborhood then we went up to 4th and 5th street, which is where they hand out the full size candy bars. well we didnt get any but heather did. lucky heather .
i didnt have as much fun though cause ive been sick for the past 2 days with some sort of stomach thing. i think its going away though cause i am actually able to eat. yay!
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Ame-Chan
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I want to... someday...
I just have to borrow someone's child to do it. XD
Because down here, you can't trick or treat after you're 13 unless it's with a younger child.
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hito_me_bore
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well that kinda sucks. i dont think i would really like that at all.
and it turns out that i was getting stomach aches because i had a ruptured cyst in my right ovary . ive never really heard of that before. its sucks though. i have been feeling like crap for 8 days. 
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Hotaru
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Oh man, are you going to need surgery?!
Don't avoid the doctor's for something like that, you could suffer a lot and then have to have your ovaries taken out! Jennifer had to do that, and she went through menopause at 23!!!
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hito_me_bore
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no i dont think im going to need surgery. since i know now what it feels like and how long it lasts then i will hopefully be prepared for it the next time. i really hope they never come back again though. if i keep getting them then the doctors said i will have to go on birth control.
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Hikaru-san
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bc's might mess you up though T-T
so I will pray you dont have to
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hito_me_bore
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well im getting stomach aches again. AHHHH. when will my body go back to being normal?? . i dont think its the same thing though because the stomach aches feel different and ive been having headaches along with that. i dunno though, im not a doctor. if it keeps up im going back to the doctors.
we got report cards today. i have a 90 average yay!!! i just need to bring my math up though. it is a 77. my dad is gonna be a little upset to see that it went down.
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Ame-Chan
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| hito_me_bore wrote: | well im getting stomach aches again. AHHHH. when will my body go back to being normal?? . i dont think its the same thing though because the stomach aches feel different and ive been having headaches along with that. i dunno though, im not a doctor. if it keeps up im going back to the doctors.
we got report cards today. i have a 90 average yay!!! i just need to bring my math up though. it is a 77. my dad is gonna be a little upset to see that it went down. |
Well, he probably wll because that's a D right..?
But he shouldn't be TOO upset with you and ground you or something, because you have a B+ average. ^^;
I'm sorry to hear about your stomach, you might want to get it checked out again asap. Just because it feels different doesn't mean it is, you might just be getting them higher up or lower, or something. Headaches for something like that are a sign you're brain's sending plenty of signals to your body to fight it off. But, then again, that fact could be off. Most of the doctor's around here are stupid. ^^;
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hito_me_bore
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well ive been feeling a bit better. yesterday i barely had any stomach problems. same as today, just a wicked headache all day. i thinks its cause ive been reading all day though  . i am so pathetic that i finished a 630 page book in a day. tomorrow im going to be a little more productive though, i hope. and if i still feel sick tomorrow im talking to my dad. he did not even talk to me about my grades, meaning he probably did not even look at them. oh well. it doesnt really matter.
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Hikaru-san
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well since you weren't happy with them
that would be good he didn't look, right?
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hito_me_bore
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yes that was a good thing.
well being back to school sucks. its boring and i have lots of homework to do now. my english teacher wants and essay done tomorrow that was assigned monday, and today he let us pick our topics for a research paper. i guess the essay wasnt really too bad. but yay, im looking forward to the research paper. i also have to get going on a chem paper due next wednesday. i also have a math test tomorrow on the stuff i dont even remember. ahhhh i love school sooo much!!!
i wish it would snow . im tired of seeing ugly bare trees and dead leaves. its depressing for me. we better have snow for christmas this year.
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hito_me_bore
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yayyyyy it snowedddd last night!!!! im so happy cause it looks really pretty outside. i think i might try sled riding a little today too. we got a couple inches over the night. i think it will be gone by tomorrow though cause theres supposed to be some rain on the way. which sucks. last night was sparkle and i couldnt go. i wish i coulda so i could hang out with ash and see all the pretty stuff they were selling on Market Street. oh well, it was pretty cold out anyways.
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hito_me_bore
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we got our first snow day of the year here today. we got a big snow storm and its not even close to being done yet!! yayyyyy!!!! . we are supposed to get 8 to 12 inches by 9 tonight. i think its supposed to snow some more after friday. hopefully it sticks around for christmas.
i got a haircut last night. i kind of regret it cause its so short. i miss having long hair but i will live. it needed it anyways. my hair had so much damage from straightening it and stuff. i hope it doesnt take too long to grow out.
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Ame-Chan
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I talked to your step mom that day XD
via email
I guessed you would be happy about a snow day! LOL
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hito_me_bore
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yes i was
tomorrow jeff and i have to work on our spanish projects. im making stuffed tomatoes and i forgot what hes making. its a gay project cause we have to take pictures of us doing the steps and show it to the class, lol. ill have to tell ya how it turned out.
Ashley wasnt at school today . shes spending christmas in florida .
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hito_me_bore
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MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!!!!! i cant believe how fast it came for me this year.
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Preciousangelwings
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Merry CHristmas to you too!! I hope yours was fun even if it did come quick XD
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hito_me_bore
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yes it was fun. but it would have been better if i wasnt still sick. i got alot of cool things. at my moms i got Guitar Hero 3! yay its sooo much fun!!
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Preciousangelwings
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AWESOME!! i got Guitar hero II!! but my half-brother bought Guitar Hero III XD funny, neh? well other than that it was great. i can't stop playing that addicting game!! *hands are cramped*
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hito_me_bore
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lol i know that game is really addicting! my hands did get cramped up a lot too. i beat it on easy mode. now its on to medium . im gonna suck soooo bad lol.
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Preciousangelwings
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I beat easy with 5 stars on each song after i've been playing on medium for a bit. the only reason why though is because my friend has had it way before me so i've been practicing with hers longer. XD mediums not THAT much harder. you just have to worry about blues. ;P
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hito_me_bore
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yeah its not too bad. im starting to get used to it.
so we have been having some unusual weather so far this week. today it was 71. a few years ago there would have been a bunch of snow. stupid global warming. but then again i did enjoy the warmth. it felt like spring! except in january. i guess its not supposed to last long though. only 3 months of winter left!
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Preciousangelwings
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loL!! we experianced a warm week ehre too! so weird. first we have a green winter, almsot entirely (last year) now this year it starts off early and a foot of snow that doesn't go awya and now... there's nothing but dirty snowbanks, more like curb bumps and... 62 degrees. o.O CRAZY weather. next we're going to have a thunderstorm and 3 days later, SNOW!
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